Tag Archives: taekwondo

Learn Monster Karate Now and Live Through the Coming End of Days!

Monster Karate and the Coming Apocalypse!

I just know that if I started a Monster Karate martial arts school I would get incredibly rich. I could teach all the secret martial arts techniques that the lmonsters use to rip the beating and dripping heart out of some fool who can’t run very fast. I could teach people the secret monster karate techniques that…maybe I should tell you where I am going with all this?

monster karate

The True Power of Karate!

My wife just knew that I was totally destroying my sons’ fragile, eggshell mentalities. We would perch on the sofa for hours and eat popcorn and watch monster movies. And then I would show them the secrets of the martial arts.

What she didn’t know was that we were learning several things which were vital to learning the martial arts. Specifically, we were looking at the use of wires and make up. Analyze these two things and it will change the way you look at the martial arts, and it will even educate you as to the less than beneficial effects of Hollywood movie makers.

First, we would spend long hours dissecting the methods by which Hollywood creates its special effects. How did that vampire soar across the rooftops? The answer, we would find, would be wirework, or a blue screen, a trampoline, and invisible platforms pasted onto the background.

This led to attempts to do certain stunts, with me holding onto the back of the pants, assisting the flip, or otherwise seeing if something could be done. This led to the boys understanding the need for people who actually knew how to spot (grin) and proper instruction before trying to do those things they do on television and tell you not to do.

The second special effects factor was makeup, and while we didn’t start roaming the streets dressed in monster drag at midnight, we did get in an educational analysis of how make up could be used to enhance death. If you bent the head just right, put a metal plate against the neck, you could set off a small charge and make it look like a throat was being exploded. Cool!

And, the method for inserting knives, bullets, spears, or whatever the weapon of your choice into the body part of your choice was quite educational. This led to analysis of how the body might really react when various weapons hit it. Nice!

I know this is a strange bit of writing, and I know that people may not like the way I raised my children. But my kids are not taken in by Hollywood special effects, don’t get bothered by a little fake blood, appreciate good movie making, know that no actors were harmed during the making of this movie, and understand better how reality functions. So maybe you should think about learning a little Monster Karate, that way maybe you’ll stand a chance of surviving when zombies rule the streets.

The Golden Awareness of Hard Core Karate

Don't be a Weakling! Learn Karate Online!


I was stopped at a traffic light today, and the guy in front of me, with his right turn light on, wouldn’t turn. Just sat there, waiting for green. And I was struck by how hard core karate makes you more aware.
This person was probably from a different country, didn’t speak the language, didn’t fully understand traffic and the laws we use to navigate our streets with. And, hate to say it, didn’t understand common sense.
So they sat there, victim to a red glow, totally stopped in life, watching time, and life, pass them by.
Now, why don’t we get stopped if we study Karate, or taekwondo or kenpo or aikido or any of the various martial arts out there?
Because if you stop you get hit.
Now that is a lesson, isn’t it?
If you don’t move somebody tags you, point! And you realize that if it was ‘real life’ you would be dead. Or, at the least, unconscious and broke.
Now, here is the funny viewpoint of this: our streets are filling up with unconscious people, spending half their lives waiting at traffic lights, picking their nose and glad to be in ‘Murica.
Oh, lord, save me from the huddled masses.
Can anybody spell zombie out there?
Well, if you’re a martial artist, if you study the forms and technqiues of freestyle of kenpo or taekwondo, of Wing Chun or Mantis, of drunken fist or monkey style kung fu, then you know what I mean.
And, if you don’t, if you just go to school/work/welfare, then you are going to be one of the hopeless ones, sitting at stop lights, wondering why the mailman is late, wondering why you keep stepping in that brown stuff on the lawn. You are going to be the zombie, the victim, the guy with his finger up his nose at the traffic light.
You know, that’s why I started my website. There are just too many stupid people, too many wannabe zombies out there, graduating from school and standing in the breadline, all stopped up and nowhere to go. I figured if i could get a few to take a few free lessons at my site, maybe they would get more, maybe they would get excited and head for a dojo somewhere, maybe they’d do something…anything! Anyway, if you are a zombie in training, head on over to Learn Karate Online and get a free karate lesson. I mean, I don’t mean to be rude, but…take that finger out of your nose and get your butt in gear! There’s a life out there, and it is just waiting for you to wake up.