Tag Archives: tai chi chuan

Kung Fu Punch Lines (he he)

Newsletter 888

Martial Arts Punch Lines (get it?)

Happy Labor Day!
I think I’ll labor at the martial arts today.

A quick word,
I had inadvertently taken my list of courses off the site.
This is the full list,
so examine the left sidebar on the Monster,
everything is there.

Now,
came across these little gems,
thought I would share…

You’re not outnumbered,
you’re target rich.

When people ask me what I do for a living:
‘I teach people how to maim and kill.’

Bruises are really just temporary tattoos.

Kung Fu has been curing ADHD
since 500 AD

For my birthday
I want pound cake and punch.

violence isn’t always the answer,
but it sure is an option

the best part of a joke is the punch line.

Okay.
Nuff frivolity.
Let’s get serious.

It is true,
a picture is worth a thousand words.
and,
that being true,
a video is worth a thousand thousand words.
But,
here’s the cruel truth…
you still have to understand what the words mean.

I remember when Karate first hit the shores,
the Japanese said:
‘it will take an American three lifetimes to understand the martial arts.’
And,
that’s true,
if you don’t understand the words.

For me,
chi was the big mysterious.
Thought about it,
tried to figure it out,
made no sense.
Then I started looking up words like:
energy,
force,
spirit,
intention,
will power,
and so on.
And,
suddenly,
it all made sense.

https://www.youtube.com/edit?o=U&video_id=uM1ubDwUxa4

Tell me I don’t understand chi.
Heck,
I can project it outside my body.
You know the funny thing?
I wish somebody had told me
the power of understanding words
back when I was 19.
I would be moving cars,
not just putting out candles.
All my training would have changed,
gone in a different direction.

The power of words.

So,
here’s the whole story…

http://monstermartialarts.com/martial-arts/2f-matrixing-the-master-text/

How I came up with matrixing,
the evolution,
arts studied,
and so on.
All you have to do is understand the words.
But don’t worry,
I’ve included a few pictures to help you out.
Grin.

Okay,
have a great bunch of work outs this labor day.

And,
BTW
GO TEXAS!
To the degree that people rally round,
to the degree that government sits on the sidelines,
to that degree Texas comes back.

have a GREAT work out!

Al

http://monstermartialarts.com/martial-arts/2f-matrixing-the-master-text/

http://www.amazon.com/Binary-Matrixing-Martial-Arts-Case/dp/1515149501/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1437625109&sr=8-1&keywords=binary+matrixing

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You can find all my books here!

http://monstermartialarts.com/martial-arts/

http://www.amazon.com/Matrixing-Tong-Bei-Internal-Gung/dp/1507869290/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423678613&sr=8-1&keywords=tong+bei

How to Defend Against Dogs with Martial Arts

Martial Arts Defense Against Killer Dogs

Is this going to be a GREAT week or what?
Eh?
I mean,
the stars are in alignment,
the tea leaves are propitious,
and,
if that isn’t enough…
you get to work out!

best karate kung fu chi training manual

Click on the cover!

Of all them prophetic devices…
only the work out is the sure thing,
so I think I’ll work out twice!

Oinkly doggie.
Let’s leap right into the good stuff,
let’s talking about taking out attack trained,
killer vicious curs called…
guard dogs.

I was ten years old,
was cutting across a neighbors estate on my bicycle
and a big, old weimaraner
who I had known and played with,
attacked me.
Dragged me off the bicycle
and I managed to steer the falling bike
towards the property line,
and I fell into the street.
Off the property.
The guard dog,
who I had known and played with,
petted and wrestled with,
growled and snapped at me,
but was stopped by the property line.

Okay.
Guards dogs gone wild.
you know?

So I was afraid of dogs after that.
Then,
when I was eleven,
my older brother gave me his paper route.
And,
on one of the streets,
you guessed it,
a dog.
Not a guard dog,
but he would run into the street
and chase me.
I would peddle and cry.
And I asked my brother what he did about the dog.
“I kick it.”
It’s got to reach you,
so when it jumps,
I kick it.

I envisioned kicking,
even practiced it a bit,
and,
the next day,
I was delivering papers,
and,
you guessed it,
the dog comes chasing after me!

Man,
I stomped that sucker right in the face.
He yipped and ran.
And,
a half hour later,
I rode past that house again.
I was feeling a bit proud,
maybe even a bit blood thirsty,
hoping that dog would attack me again
so I could nail his face with my
Sunday go to meeting shoes.
(They were the only hard soles I had)

There were teeth on the ground!
I had actually knocked his teeth out!
HAHAHAHA!

And,
over the years,
I think about the A$$whole
who owned that dog.
Cause it’s the owner that should be kicked,
not the dog.
I’ll bet the owner thought it was funny,
his lights were on,
he let the dog out,
laughed when the paper boy ran.

Well,
he was feeding that dog mush with a spoon now!

Okay.
That sets us up.
Let’s talk about Monkeyland.

We have dogs up here.
Truth,
I LOVE dogs.
I hike all over with them.
I throw sticks.
I even swim with them!

Nothing is better than a big, old mutt
with a wet, sloppy tongue.
Nothing.

So we’ve got three dogs.
One is a hundred pound lab.
Big frigging tongue on that boy!
The other two are Mallenois.
Mother and pup.
Mallenois are like under sized german shepherds.
And,
they are highly prized as guard dogs.
My partner brought them up,
introduced the mother,
who was highly trained,
as a killer.

Well,
that’s not really what we’re about at Monkeyland,
but he’s my partner’s,
so now we have a highly trained attack dog.

Here’s the bad news.
The mother is loving,
one of the most loving dogs I have ever seen.
It is…
over loving.
Frantic.
Desparate.
You can’t go outside without the dog leaping on you,
hugging you,
trying to curl around your feet,
prostating itself and
…just wanting love.

The trainer,
you see,
has done a number on her.
Probably a good trainer.
My opinion,
however,
is that the dog will protect instinctively.
Doesn’t need to be trained to harm a human being.
In fact,
I think the training,
to harm another human being,
is a crime.
And what it has done to that poor dog…
Lord.
That poor dog is just out of its mind.

It’s always the owner,
in this case the trainer,
you know?

Anyway,
before I rant on a$$wholes who train dogs,
let’s talk about taking out a dog
that has been trained to harm human beings.

I went out on the front porch to do a work out.
Beautiful out there.
A mile of green valley and blue skies.
High, puffy clouds wafting across the sky.
A hint of breeze to cool off the work out
and let it go even longer.

Paradise,
you know?

BUT,
the dog wants love.
Is desperate for love.
And it crawls under my feet,
tries to jump on me.
So I practice my footwork,
anticipating directions,
and the dog is falling into space,
can’t keep up,
even falling down.

Hey!
This is fun!
BUT,
somewhere in there,
the attack responses are triggered.
The dog leaps at me.

Remember that dog I played with?
And who dragged me off my bike?
Man,
here it as,
all over again.

Not quite vicious,
but the line between love and hate,
usually large,
has been slipped over.
The dog leaps at me,
snapping at my wrists.
I realize that this is one of the devices
that the trainer must have used.
Play,
slap around,
get it to go lightly vicious.
A game,
you know?

But the A$$whole trainer
obviously didn’t know martial arts.

I was doing Tai Chi at the time,
the first move,
ward off.
The dog leaped,
I shuffled back slightly,
bowed my belly in,
and held my arms out,
the dog was in my space,
and I lowered my arm so that the forearm was at the neck,
turned my hips,
and threw the dog.

Man,
you have never seen such a quick and efficient throw.
That dog just flipped on its side.

It leaped at me.
I did golden rooster,
a simple knee,
and the dog bounced off the point of the knee and fell back.
Yipping!

I smiled,
cocked my head,
and held my hand out and motioned to the dog like Bruce Lee.
Come on.

The dog went for the feet.
I was wearing soft shoes,
so I merely stepped in front of my left foot with my right,
then,
when the dog was fooled,
slapped it in the head with a left sole behind the right leg.
Came right out of nowhere,
rocked that momma like there was no tomorrow.

Now,
I was being incredibly soft.
I LOVE dogs.
Even attack trained vicious guard dogs.
It’s the owner,
you know?

But I moved across that porch,
befuddling,
confounding,
confusing,
and threw that dog this way and that.
Didn’t use any force.
Just slipped and turned,
gave the dog the target,
then withdrew it.

And,
after a while,
the dog wasn’t sure what to do.
In the game it had been trained in,
it won,
got a cookie for savaging a wrist or ankle.
Got loving for biting the padded mid section.
Here,
there was no midsection.
And the ankles bit back and were gone.
And the wrists,
oh Lord,
going for the wrists
was a fool’s errand.
That always resulted in a disappearing target,
and a dog body flipped on it’s side,
and a series of Karate punches to the belly.
Soft punches.
And,
grin,
I avoided any of the Tai Chi strikes.
I didn’t want to kill the dog.

So,
that’s how you handle an attack trained
vicious,
killer guard dog.

Karate will work fine,
or any other art,
but remember that it is play here,
and that you are,
in essence,
undoing what the dog has been trained to do.
And,
remember,
it is always the owner.

The guard dog,
any dog,
is just one of God’s critters,
and we are charged with taking care of them.
Not using them against our fellow man,
beyond their natural protectiveness.

And,
it makes me think,
there are a few people I’d like to ‘de-train’
a few politicians.
Hmmm.
Maybe that’s a story for another time,
eh?

Have a great and glorious work out!
And don’t forget to pet your dog,
and play with him every day.
especially if he’s been attack trained.
Grin.

Al

Here’s the link for Matrix Tai Chi Chuan.
That’s the stuff I use,
and I recommend it HIGHLY!

http://monstermartialarts.com/martial-arts/2ba-matrix-tai-chi-chuan/

Crossing Martial Arts to Fix Karate

Learn Karate Online!

Before I tell you how to Fix Karate by crossing martial arts, let me tell you that I am not a fan of crossing martial arts. People usually don’t dig deep enough to make this happen. Simply, they mix two arts, and they usually end up with mush. This is one of those things best left in the hands of professionals. Me being the professional, however, grin, let me point out a couple of interesting things.
It’s really a matter of getting enough data. A fellow who studies two arts and tries to combine them usually doesn’t have enough data. You need three or four arts before you even start. And, you need to learn how to matrix if you are going to be successful.
That all said, I used to look in Tai Chi books for ways to fix Karate. Oh, I know, heresy. All I can say to that is the pure martial arts takes precedence over pure tai chi, or pure karate, for that matter. And I am interested in the whole pie, not just a slice.
Consider the advice from Yang Family Secret Transmissions (Douglas Wile).
‘We must avoid fullness and emphasize emptiness so that our opponent lands on nothing.’
This is great advice, applicable to a great extend in a great variety of situations in Tai Chi. To a Karate man, however, it sounds a little mystical.
However, if you face a man and you both have your right foot forward, you are matching stances and balanced and symmetrical in stance. But, if you have right foot and left foot forward (opposing stances) then you would be full. That is, you are both trying to step forward on the same side, and thus colliding, and thus…’full.’ So, match stances, and when the fellow attacks, step back so that you are always matching, and in balance. So here’s the problem…how do you take advantage when you are in a matching stance? Karate strives to be full, to smash and take away our opponent’s area. This has nothing to do with balance. Tai Chi strives for balance, and then to give way in small manner so that the opponent over commits himself. When the attacker has over committed he will show weakness. This weakness will not be apparent to a karate man, at least until he has read these words and understood the intent. Now, I have given you a problem, in thinking about it (and you will not be able to avoid thinking about it), you will eventually come up with a technique, or a solution, or something that will enable you to take advantage of the situation. This will enable you to improve your freestyle. And, when your freestyle is improved you may tend to look at this thing of purity of art as a gimmick designed to stop your progress in the whole martial arts. I tell you, you want the whole pie, not just a few pieces, and crossing martial arts can fix karate, and kung fu, and aikido, and so on and so on. My site is Learn Karate Online, and there is a free sample lesson available there.